How to Support a Friend Going Through IVF: Empathetic Ways to Help
When someone you care about is going through IVF (in vitro fertilization), it can be hard to know what to say,or not say. You may want to help, be there, offer encouragement, but worry about saying the wrong thing or overstepping. IVF can be an emotionally draining, physically taxing, and deeply personal journey. So, how can you show up in a meaningful way?
Whether you’re a best friend, sibling, or supportive colleague, understanding how to support a friend going through IVF requires sensitivity, awareness, and empathy. This guide will walk you through what to do, what to avoid, and how to offer real, compassionate help that goes beyond clichés.
Understanding the IVF Journey
Before diving into actionable tips, it's essential to understand that IVF is more than a medical procedure; it’s a rollercoaster of hope, loss, waiting, and unknowns. For women trying to conceive (TTC), especially those in their 30s and beyond, IVF may feel like the last resort after years of disappointment.
Each IVF cycle comes with emotional highs and lows:
Hormonal medications that impact mood and mental health
The physical pain of egg retrieval or injections
The heartbreaking experience when IVF fails
The constant loop of hope, grief, and waiting
This journey is not just physical; it’s mental and emotional, too. That’s why providing emotional support for someone TTC is crucial.
Do: Educate Yourself
Learning a little about IVF shows your friend you care enough to understand what they're going through. You don’t need to become an expert, but familiarizing yourself with the basics of the IVF timeline, the success rates, and common emotional struggles can help you support your friend more compassionately.
Start by understanding:
IVF involves multiple steps over several weeks
Each phase has different emotional impacts
Many women feel isolated, frustrated, or anxious during the process
You can also explore resources like fertility coaching for couples or fertility counselling services to get a perspective on what your friend might be experiencing.
Don’t: Offer Unsolicited Advice
It’s tempting to offer solutions like, “Just relax and it’ll happen,” or “Have you tried acupuncture?”—but these comments can come off as dismissive, even if well-meaning.
IVF is complex. Many couples have already explored personal fertility consultations, holistic options, or fertility support retreats. Your friend doesn’t need fixes; they need support.
Avoid these common phrases:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“At least you can try IVF again.”
“I know someone who adopted and then got pregnant.”
Instead, try:
“I’m here for you no matter what.”
“That sounds so hard. Do you want to talk about it?”
Do: Be Present Without Pressure
Sometimes the best support is simply being there. Check in. Send a thoughtful message. Offer to drop off a coffee or meal. IVF can be a lonely road. Just knowing someone is thinking of them can mean the world.
Practical ideas to show up:
Text before procedures or appointments: “Thinking of you today.”
Drop off care packages with snacks, journals, and heating pads
Offer to accompany them if they want support (and their clinic allows it)
Remember, they may not always respond, but your steady presence is grounding.
Don’t: Make It About You
We’ve all said things like, “When I was trying to get pregnant…” or “I understand, I had a miscarriage too…” and while it may come from a place of connection, it can unintentionally shift focus away from your friend’s unique experience.
IVF is deeply individual. Even if you’ve faced fertility struggles, center their feelings over your own stories unless they invite comparison.
Do: Respect Their Boundaries
Your friend may not want to share every update, and that’s okay. Some people are open about their IVF journey; others keep it private. Don’t push for information. Let them lead.
Ask gently:
“Would you like to talk about it, or prefer a distraction today?”
“How can I support you best right now?”
This kind of emotional support during TTC honors your friend’s autonomy while reminding them they don’t have to go through it alone.
Don’t: Forget About the Partner
If your friend is in a couple, remember their partner is also going through this. Infertility affects both individuals in different ways. Sometimes, partners are forgotten or left out of the support equation.
Consider:
Including them in messages or care packages
Asking, “How is your partner holding up?”
Sharing resources for fertility coaching for couples
Even if you don’t know them well, showing acknowledgment can go a long way.
Do: Offer Tangible Help
The emotional and physical toll of IVF means your friend may have less energy for day-to-day tasks. Offering tangible support is one of the most meaningful ways you can help.
Examples include:
Running errands
Cooking meals or sending gift cards
Babysitting if they already have children
Researching emotional support, fertility retreats, or personal fertility coaching sessions, if they’re exploring additional resources
You could also suggest or gift a private fertility support consultation if they’re considering speaking with a professional.
Don’t: Treat IVF Failure as the End
IVF doesn’t guarantee success. Failed cycles can be devastating. Even with multiple rounds, success rates decrease with age. If an IVF attempt fails, your friend may feel grief, guilt, or shame. This is not the time to cheer them up or rush to a silver lining.
Instead of saying, “You can always try again,” say:
“I’m so sorry this happened.”
“I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I’m here for you.”
“Do you want to talk, cry, or be distracted today?”
Validate. Listen. Support. That’s it.
For some, infertility compassionate care, through therapists or support groups, can provide long-term healing. You can gently suggest resources when the time feels right.
Do: Encourage Mental Health Support
IVF takes a toll on mental well-being. Anxiety, depression, and trauma are common. If your friend is struggling emotionally, suggesting professional help isn’t intrusive, it’s supportive.
You might recommend:
A personal fertility coaching session with a trusted guide
Professional fertility counselling services
Group-based infertility stress management programs
Normalize seeking help. Just as IVF is a medical journey, the emotional aftermath deserves expert care too.
Don’t: Celebrate Pregnancy Without Sensitivity
If you or someone close becomes pregnant, be mindful of how you share the news. IVF doesn’t erase the joy of others’ milestones, but it can amplify grief. Announcing your pregnancy during their IVF cycle or after a failed attempt can be unintentionally painful.
Be gentle. Consider sharing the news privately, in writing, before group events. Give them space to process, and reassure them that your friendship remains unchanged no matter how they respond.
Long-Term Support Matters Most
IVF is often not a one-time journey. Many couples go through several rounds over months or years. Your friend’s emotional needs may change throughout that time. What they need today may differ tomorrow.
Stay flexible. Stay present. Whether they find success, shift paths, or decide to stop treatment altogether, your ongoing friendship is the greatest gift.
And if they ask about options like a holistic fertility retreat for women, fertility support retreats, or emotional support TTC services, be open to listening and helping them research trusted options.
Final Thoughts: Your Presence Is Powerful
Supporting a friend through IVF isn't about having the perfect words or grand gestures. It’s about showing up, staying present, and letting them know they’re not alone.
Whether you’re texting encouragement, providing a warm meal, or simply sitting beside them in silence, your empathy creates a safe space during one of the most vulnerable journeys of their life.
And if your friend is seeking extra support, point them toward personal fertility consultation offerings, infertility stress management, and fertility counselling services tailored to their needs.
Helpful Resources & Internal Links:
Learn more about Fertility Counselling Services to support emotional well-being
Explore our Private Fertility Support Consultation packages for one-on-one guidance
Discover Holistic Fertility Retreats for Women for deep, nurturing care
Check out Fertility Coaching for Couples to strengthen your support system
Read our guide on What to Expect During Your First IVF Cycle
If you’re trying to be a supportive friend during IVF, you’re already doing something beautiful. Just remember: you don’t have to fix it you just have to care.